If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
