You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
