I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
