that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
