You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
