i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
