I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
