just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
