Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
