i wish my penis had a tongue
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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