This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
