i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
