question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
a search helicopter?!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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