it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
