Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can you bring me the toilet please
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize