I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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