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I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
