if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
