i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
