i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
