Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
