i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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