dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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