Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
