Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
