shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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