I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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