She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I need moral support for this bender
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
