My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
