I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize