I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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