Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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