does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
