he told me I talked like a deaf person
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
