i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
