that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Found your dick twin last night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
