woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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