dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
