Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your penis caused this!
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