Dude my mom stole all your condoms
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize