He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
