ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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