Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
