you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
