Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I will die if light touches me.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize