the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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