he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize