She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
