i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He shit in the fireplace
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
