Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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