After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i now understand why vodka
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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