Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
