I'd wear matching sweaters with you
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
