You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
