i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
