I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
