Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
