just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
