Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
