Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
