I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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