WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
